World Gone Mad
by broken mind
Summary: [Enterprise] Remembering incidents from the past can change the future. Trip has to learn and the mind gives in to the heart. Chapter 5 is up!
1. A vision recovered

Disclaimer: I really write this without any profit. And I do not own the rights of the series nor of any of the songs by evanescence used in this short story.  
  
I hope you guys like it. It's more an emotional piece than anything even closely related to what's happening in the series.  
  
______---------_____  
  
ENTERPRISE - WORLD GONE MAD  
  
# Chapter 1 - A Vision Recovered  
  
~*~  
  
Closing your eyes to disappear  
  
You pray your dreams will leave you here  
  
But still you wake and know the truth  
  
~*~  
  
Charles "Trip" Tucker III monitored the panels and typed something into the padd lying in front of him. He mumbled to himself from time to time when things were not working out correctly.  
  
It was around the time that he got melancholic. Archer had seen it coming and wanted him off duty for shore leave, but as usual, he had refused. Since the two of them had been aboard the Enterprise NX-01, Trip had refused to go home ever then. Jonathan was worried about his friend, because this time it was worse then ever before.   
  
"Commanding Staff, report to bridge!" The captain's voice croaked through the loudspeakers.   
  
Trip silently cursed when the tricorder he had been holding crashed to the ground. "Damnit!"  
  
"We're returning to Earth for a couple of days. We need to refill our plasma-tanks. Enterprise was never meant to go on that kind of expedition, now they want to make it official. As soon as we get back to the base, we will be instructed to go on exploring. But they need to make a few changes, though." Archer explained to the crew on the bridge. "Weapons will be installed. No offense, Malcolm, but those plasma cannons of yours will work better with the suiting power relays, won't they?"  
  
His armory officer nodded his head in agreement.   
  
"And I guess all of you could need some time off this ship. Maybe to meet up with friends or visit the family." Jonathan Archer tried to think out more reasons, but all he could think of was friends and family.  
  
T´Pol raised an eyebrow and looked at the captain inquiringly. "Is that so?"  
  
Archer nodded.   
  
"I hope it's none of your weird Vulcan fellows ordering us home to keep us there!" Trip muttered.  
  
"If so, I wouldn't know about it." T´Pol held her voice low and without emotion.  
  
"Yes, as usual..."  
  
"Don't you think it's fun to be home again? I can't wait to see another baseball-game. And Porthos definitely wouldn't mind taking a long walk." Jonathan tried to cheer his chief engineer up a little bit. He, perhaps, was the only one on board the enterprise who wasn't looking forward to get home.  
  
"Yeah, whatever." Trip turned and left.  
  
This night he lay awake for long hours, unable to sleep. Thoughts haunted his mind, thoughts from someone who only existed in his memory. From time to time he couldn't even remember the name, yet this person had been present until he left for duty on Enterprise.  
  
Someone knocked the door. He flicked a glance at the neon clock on the head side of the bed. It showed 3.22 am.   
  
"Come in!" he grumbled.   
  
It was Archer. "Trip...Did I wake you? I thought you were awake."  
  
"Guess what, you're right!" The blond haired man didn't move. "I am sorry, I couldn't sleep..."  
  
"I am sorry, I should have told you sooner. I mean...isn't she better by now?"  
  
"Why would she? That sickness of hers is nothing you can get rid of as easy as flu. Wish it was, though..." Trip turned around and stared at the wall.   
  
"Listen...why don't we go and visit her when we've arrived?"  
  
"Are you kiddin`? Visit her? It almost kills her when I simply think of her. Who am I to go there?"  
  
"You're her friend, aren't you?" Archer received no answer. "Trip, for how long have we been knowing each other? 8 years? Don't you think that I'd come to know you a little?"  
  
Still, Trip didn't answer.  
  
"Well, I can't make you. I just thought it would be nice...!" Archer heard him snort to this comment. "You can stay aboard this ship while everyone else gets the fun!"  
  
"Nice? Fun? Do you know what it means to me to see her again? She's the only one that's been on my mind for...forever. And it keeps driving me mad that I can't touch her or even be near her without causing her so much pain." Trip's voice sounded edgy and very angry.  
  
"I understand that, but didn't you once tell me that you love her? And she loves you back?" Jonathan tried to keep it calm and cool, but Trip just didn't want to calm down.   
  
"Yeah, I did, that was about 16 months ago."  
  
"It was 10 months ago! Do you remember? When we first boarded this vessel, you had just come back from visiting her in the hospital. 10 months! Many of the crewmembers are waiting to finally be home again, even if it's only for a couple of days. To call someone using subspace amplifiers isn't the coolest thing..." Archer choked down a laugh, seeing Trip's sad face.  
  
"Even 10 months is a devil of a long time. They say long distance relationships never work. This is about as long distance as you can get."  
  
"Are you ok?" Archer patted his mate's shoulder.  
  
"Not really..."  
  
"Maybe you should sleep a little. Try to think out some important things to do during the time until we reach Earth. Get your mind off it for a moment, will you?" Jonathan turned and pushed the button to open the door.  
  
"You have never really talked about it with her? You've never talked things through, haven't you?" The captain asked without turning.  
  
"No...She was too weak. Maybe I was, too."  
  
"G'night, Trip." Archer said softly, moving out of the room.  
  
"G'night..." his chief engineer whispered back. 


	2. Remembrance

# Chapter 2 - Remembrance  
  
~*~  
  
Long lost words whisper slowly to me  
  
Still I can't find what keeps me here   
  
When all this time I've been so hollow inside  
  
I know you're still there  
  
~*~  
  
"Home, sweet home!" Ensign Travis Mayweather sang aloud and manoeuvred the ship into the docking port. Everyone cheered, except for Charles Tucker. He clanged to the seat belt like someone who was close to drowning. "As far as I am concerned, the first thing I do is go and get drunk!" he joked.  
  
"Travis? Open the hatch!" Archer ordered and Mayweather hurried to comply, with a huge grin on his face. As soon as the hatch opened, Lieutenant Malcolm Reed, the ship's armory officer, pushed through and jumped to the ground. All followed him, only Trip was hesitant to follow.  
  
Hoshi asked: "For how long are we gonna stay here? I mean, if we'd stay for a couple of days, I could teach some students a little in alien linguistics." She smiled.  
  
"Well, Ensign Sato, I understand that you want to stay a little longer than just a couple of days?" He paused for a moment. "What about a week?"  
  
Both Reed's and Sato's faces lit up immediately.  
  
"That'd be perfect!" Malcolm piped up. "I could use the time to upgrade the weapon store array..."  
  
"I thought you might want to use the time to pay visits to relatives or maybe your parents?" Archer grinned. He knew that his armory officer wasn't the family-guy.  
  
Malcolm blushed, just as Archer had expected him to. "Ahm, Sir, of course!"  
  
Hoshi joined her Captain in a jovial laugh and then Malcolm got the clue.  
  
Archer looked at his chief engineer. "You're gonna come or what?"   
  
Trip still sat where he had been seated throughout the short flight from Enterprise to Earth. His blue eyes were tied to the brown ones of the Captain. "Come on, Trip, we've got a beautiful woman to visit."  
  
It took them the better half of the day to get from San Francisco to New York by 'normal' transportation. Trip did not want to stop by at his parent's house, not yet. Maybe afterwards, after he would return from this now almost inevitable visit.   
  
Archer sometimes looked at his friend, but never got a smile or anything like that back from him. Commander Tucker just sat there and stared out of the window. Landscapes flew by and an hour or so away from the capital city of New York, Trip became anxious and fidgeting. He tried to keep his mind busy with star-charts and power relays, but it just wouldn't work. His thoughts were running wild and the image of this one woman lingered in front of his eyes. Wherever he looked, he saw her. His head ached and when he raised his hands to rub his temples. Archer saw him perform this and he stood up to sit next to his friend.   
  
"Why are you driving yourself crazy?"  
  
"Better me than her. I don't think I can stand this, I can't just go and see her after such a long time."  
  
"Sure you can. I believe she is happy to see you again. I also think she's been looking forward to ever since." Archer put on a slight smile, but did not receive one in return. "Trip! Listen to me!"  
  
His mate shook his head in despair, suppressing up-welling tears, but he refused to look at the captain.   
  
"Trip. Everything's gonna be fine. She'll he more than happy to see you. Guess I know why she fell in love with you. You are a charming Southerner with an offbeat sense of humor who is always on the hunt for the next big adventure. Whether it's deep-sea diving, constructing starships in orbit, or interspecies dating, you are good to go. So why just can't you go and see her?" Archer tried to cheer him up, but knew at the same time that it didn't work.  
  
"Interspecies dating, just don't dare to tell her I've gotten pregnant. She'll probably think the worst..." He paused. "Well, if she's even able to think."  
  
"I guess that'll be perfect for cheering her up and I don't believe that she's gonna believe that you had anything going on with that Xyrillian engineer."  
  
"You know as good as I do that I can't sleep without the warp engines online, hearing the humming and so." Tucker sighed.  
  
"That's a lame line."  
  
"I know." But he couldn't think of anything better to say.   
  
"Damnit, Trip! You know better than this!" Archer bent over and grabbed his mate's shoulders, shaking him. "I've seen both of you, together, and I've seen the love between the two of you. Why would you want to throw it away?"  
  
"I am not throwing anything away. There is nothing to throw away." Trip's voice rose over the normal limit. Archer glanced up, he hadn't expected this strange behavior.  
  
"I thought you love her..."  
  
"I do! But I just can't go there! Is that so hard to understand?"  
  
"It sure is your decision, but, yes, actually it is kind of hard for me to understand." Archer frowned again but avoided any further argument with his friend.  
  
Trip buried his head in his hands and sat in this position for a couple of minutes. Then he sat back upright and clenched his jaw. "Ok, you won!" 


	3. Frayed, InsideOutside

# Chapter 3 - Frayed, Inside-Outside  
  
~*~  
  
You don't remember me but I remember you  
  
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you  
  
But who can decide what they dream?  
  
And dream I do...  
  
I believe in you  
  
I'll give up everything just to find you  
  
I have to be with you to live to breathe  
  
You're taking over me  
  
Have you forgotten all I know?  
  
And all we had?  
  
You saw me mourning my love for you  
  
And touched my hand  
  
I knew you loved me then  
  
~*~  
  
Archer dropped him at the main entry of the hospital. It was a strange looking building, and surrounded by military guards. He still wore his uniform, he felt it was better to appear like a superior officer. But was this what he wanted? Did he want to visit her? He was afraid of what he might see or of how she would react. A doctor clad in a white robe approached him. Trip put on his hostile face, as usual when things were getting near him.   
  
"Commander Tucker?" the clinic asked politely.  
  
"Yes!" he replied, as friendly as possible. He didn't want to be turned away just because he was aggressive, but at the same time he tried to think out strategies not to have to go in there. He was such a coward, he scolded himself. Following the doctor through long corridors full of oddly looking patients, Trip felt more and more uncomfortable. He shouldn't be there, this was not any of the regular missions, this was something that just could not be what his fate had designated for him. Since she had left him in this state, he had not known where to go and what to do. One thing he knew. She had been right for him. When they had met, he had come to realize. Enlisting in the Star Fleet was one of the other few things he was sure was right for him.   
  
"Commander?" the voice of the doctor pulled him out of his reverie.   
  
"Yeah?" he replied, pretending to just haven't heard him.   
  
"We're here. This is her room. Right now we're doing some tests, you can wait here."  
  
Trip nodded and leant against the white wall. Still, thoughts and strange images paced through his head, leaving him dizzy and at unease. He had to wait for about 15 minutes, one passing even slower than the one before. Without a certain rhythm he knocked the wall until his knuckles hurt. HE still remembered her name, but he had almost forgotten the beauty of her face. Her eyes, her smile, her everything that he once had loved more than anything in this world. Oh, how he missed her, but he felt that the person in this room wouldn't be her. It just couldn't be. Lynn had been a lively person, never quiet and never unhappy. It was too quiet in this room. Everything had changed, his whole world had come tumbling down in an instant.   
  
He still knocked against the concrete of the wall, unaware of things going on around him.  
  
"So, now you can come in. We've fixed her up a little, now she looks like a human being again." A sturdy white-haired nurse said in a mocking tone. Trip poked his head carefully through the heavy door, avoiding direct eye-contact with her.  
  
"Come in, she's not gonna bite you…"  
  
He suddenly lost his temper. "Would you kindly cut that crap out? I know that!"  
  
The nurse did not seem to be impressed by his sudden rage. She just kept on meddling and fussing with cables and flacons of some transparent something.   
  
Trip let his gaze fly across the room. Then he saw her.  
  
Lynn lay on a white bed amidst the white room and looked so pale, or was it just the oxygen tent? Trip did not dare to move closer, afraid of hurting her. He tried not to think of her but it was pretty a hard thing to do. She seemed to be sleeping. The nurse walked past him, looking at him intensely. She didn't recognize him, but that didn't matter to him.   
  
"You can see her now. Don't make her edgy, she needs rest!" She saw Trip's angry but desperate face. "Don't worry, she's sedated."  
  
"Can she hear me?"  
  
"Sure, she can even speak, but most of the time it doesn't make any sense." The nurse shrugged and waved her hand in front of her forehead, rolling her eyes. He wanted to hit her so badly in this moment, but restrained himself. It wouldn't have done any good.   
  
"Thank you!" he growled and the nurse left.  
  
It was so quiet inside this tiny sanitary room, only the soft breath-like sound of the respirator was to be heard. They had put a hole into her head to alleviate the pressure. How did this all happen? Trip had questioned himself over and over before but never found an answer. She had never been normal, but she'd never been a freak. Those medics kept her like an animal. Maybe they had already cut her open to find out why she was so special.  
  
"Lynn?" he softly spoke.  
  
Now she moved her head and a deep groan escaped her throat. Trip held his breath and his heart missed a few beats.   
  
"Lynn?" he whispered again but still got no answer. Her head was still moving.  
  
He remembered when she first showed symptoms of that mysterious sickness. They had been on holidays in Cape Canaveral, because Lynn had never seen the first steps of modern space exploration. She had been so impressed by all this and always supported him in his decision to join Star Fleet and to become enlisted in one of the great star ships. He hadn't been so sure about this, but her energetic aura had made him learn to believe in himself. And when they had returned to their small apartment close to the beach, they had talked and talked until the late evening, and then made love throughout the night. It had been this night when this all had started.   
  
"Lynn?" He asked again, this time a little louder. 


	4. A Faint Gleam of Hope

# Chapter 4 - A Faint Gleam of Hope  
  
(lyrics by Remy Zero - Save Me)  
  
~*~  
  
I feel my wings have broken in your hands   
  
I feel the words unspoken inside   
  
And they pull you under   
  
And I would give you anything you want, but no   
  
You were all I wanted   
  
And all my dreams are falling down   
  
Crawling around and around   
  
~*~  
  
She still moved her head, and finally opened her eyes, but her gaze was as empty as he remembered. The last time he had seen her, she hadn't been able to recognize him. It had been around the time when he was promoted as Chief Engineer on the Vulcan Campus and when she had been taken into hospital after several tests and experiments to analyze why she had those seizures.   
  
Her mouth was open but there were no sounds coming out. She winced again and Trip finally decided to move closer. The look of her made him draw his breath in sharply. The dark rings around her eyes contrasted with the white and pallid color of her face. She used to have a healthy tan before she got here. This tiny person lying on this bed had almost nothing in common with the woman he used to know. Her hair was cropped relatively short and in messy strands, and not anymore of that beautiful strawberry reddish color that he had memorized. Her skin was as thin as parchment and the happy and serene expression that used to be there, had completely disappeared.   
  
He took another step towards her and could have almost touched her when he extended his hand. But that was no option, not anymore. What if she didn't even remember him? It was an easy thing to believe since she had been almost comatose for many months.   
  
He still stared at her, his mouth opened as if to say something. But what was he supposed to say? The nurse had said that she could hear him but there was no such evidence. Her gaze was still empty and blank. It hurt him so much to see her like that, and it wasn't just pity. She didn't deserve this, he thought. There she is, and here I am, and still it is not possible for us to be together. Unnoticed, a tear made its way down his cheek. It had been a long time since he last had cried, since he had really cried. Sobbing over a sappy movie was something different. Here his everything lay in front of him and he couldn't do anything to change it. How he wished to turn back time.   
  
"Lynn..." he finally breathed and now she turned her head and her eyes focused on him. She opened her mouth as if to say something but kept quiet. Trip's heart raced when she eyed him extensively. It was as if she had never seen him before. Then suddenly a shiver ran through her body and a painful expression appeared on her face.  
  
"No..." he whispered and covered his face with both of his hands. He hadn't wanted any of this to happen. When she was taken to the hospital, he didn't have a chance to be with her or to care for her. He remembered it as if it was just yesterday. A piercing scream startled him from his sleep and Lynn twisted beneath his arm. Her eyes were closed tightly and her mouth twitched. He still had no clue why or how it had happened but later the clinics tried to explain to him that she was hypersensitive to touch and thought. So she was emphatic. She hadn't told him, maybe she hadn't even known it herself. And so it all had been his fault. He had touched her and thought of her, which was a natural thing, Archer had tried to comfort him then. He just couldn't stop. How was he supposed to know anyway? He loved her, he still did. But since she was under medical care and attention, he had not often gotten the chance to see her. But after he had signed up to serve aboard the NX-01, which had been about 16 months ago, he had thought about ending it all. Since she was so sick, it would have probably been best for both of them, yet he felt it wouldn't have been. He missed her, ever since, but he had always failed to realize. Maybe it was just the way he was. Trying to escape when things got bad or wouldn't go his way.   
  
Now when he lowered his hands to look at her again, her eyelids fluttered. She seemed to be trapped inside another world. Probably the medication, Trip thought. It was a hard thing to manage, to be close to somebody but not being able to touch or think about that somebody.   
  
"Hun? Can you hear me?" he asked at last.   
  
She turned her head into the direction the sounds came from, and her eyes locked on his again.   
  
"Yes..." her voice was hoarse and throaty. Her dry lips barely moved when she whispered those words.   
  
"I am so sorry." It almost broke his heart. Trip did not know how to continue.   
  
Lynn tried to smile, but it looked more like she was in pain. "I know..."  
  
Suddenly there was a complete emptiness inside his head and all the words he had longed to say were gone. 


	5. Solitude

Thanx go to plumtuckered and Midnight Dove, without your support i most definately would have given up!!  
  
# Chapter 5 - Solitude  
  
~*~  
  
You used to captivate me  
  
By your resonating light  
  
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
  
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me  
  
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
  
And though you're still with me  
  
I've been alone all along  
  
~*~  
  
Lynn slowly lifted a hand to show him to come a little closer. His steps were anxious and hesitant, but the expression in her eyes made him move closer to the bed. In her pale face the dark green eyes seemed as deep as pools of water and he couldn't tell if she was sad or disappointed. Before this had happened, he had been able to tell how she felt by just looking into her eyes. Now he wondered what she felt.   
  
Trip saw her lower lip tremble and would have given everything to hug her in this very moment.   
  
"Why are you here?" she plainly whispered. So she wasn't glad to see him.  
  
"I can go if you want me to..." Trip sighed and retreated.   
  
She inhaled audible and choked a little. "No..." she made just this one harsh rasping sound and Trip stopped. "I don't want you to go." Unsure of what to do next, he just stood there and watched her carefully.  
  
"I've been a little lonely lately." She said in a funny voice.   
  
"I know, hun..." he hurried to say, but when he now looked at her, he knew that she wasn't talking about him not having been there. Her gaze was turned upwards to the white ceiling, there also was a slight grin on her face. Did she even realize that it was him? It didn't look like that.   
  
"Lynn?" he carefully asked but again received no answer. He tilted his head and remembered the words of the nurse: "She can speak, but most of the time it doesn't make any sense." What was the sense in her words now?  
  
When he now looked at her, she slowly closed her eyes and it seemed to Trip as if she had fallen asleep. He turned and wanted to leave the room, but couldn't without one last glance back at her. He suddenly felt dizzy as if the ground has started to shake, and unbelievably sad and had to lean against the white doorframe, working hard to hold back the tears. He hit his head against the wood panel several times, trying to make that numbing feeling go away. He didn't succeed, though. What had he done? If he had to, he wouldn't have even been able to describe his feelings. He shouldn't have come here, he thought. This all was a big mistake.  
  
~*~  
  
You're too important for anyone  
  
There's something wrong with everything you see  
  
But I, I know who you really are  
  
You're the one who cries when you're alone  
  
I'm so sick of speaking words that no one understands  
  
Is it clear enough that you can't live your whole life all alone  
  
I can hear you in a whisper  
  
But you can't even hear me screaming  
  
~*~  
  
"Do you know how we met?" Trip asked Archer while he poured Bourbon into their glasses. The two of them were sitting in a pub, getting drunk. It had been Trip's idea, and since it had been a long time since they had spent a night out together, Archer had said yes. It still was their first bottle of Old Kentucky Bourbon, yet Trip seemed to be in a very talkative mood. His visit of Lynn hadn't been good at all, that Archer was sure of.  
  
"Nope, not really, you haven't told me much about it." Archer replied in a friendly tone and pulled his full glass back to him. "Tell me." Trip had been a very close friend for at least 8 years. It had been around the time of the first launch of the NX Alpha when they had met. And since then, their friendship endured trials, Vulcans and women. Until they met Lynn Thompson. Before she was stricken with that strange illness, Trip had been with her every minute and Archer didn't mind. He didn't mind, either, when he started to spend more and more time with him again. He never questioned him, for he felt that his friend would start to talk on his own will and account. But he had never done it.   
  
Trip now moved uneasily on his chair. "Remember when we went to watch the 'Star-Dust'-movie? When you..."  
  
"Hell yeah, when I got drunk and shouted during the movie? Oh yes, I remember that movie. Well, actually, I don't remember much of the movie itself, but I'd got such a heavy headache afterwards." Jonathan grinned.  
  
"While we watched the movie I saw a girl sitting two rows behind me. She looked quite fine. I didn't see much of her, it was too dark. Anyhow, all I saw was her sparkling eyes, which fascinated me from the very first time on. But she obviously didn't recognize me. She did not laugh, she did not smile. You must agree, the movie was quite a fun thing after all you did." Trip slightly smiled to himself. "Something was strange about her. I'd never seen her before, she wasn't one of the staff, but somehow she was familiar to me."  
  
Archer eyed his friend. It didn't happen very often that he got so melancholic. "Go on..." he said.  
  
"So when we were standing in the hall where waiting for you, I saw her again, this time in full shape and I was really blown away. Black zipper, blue jeans low on hips, crème-colored high-heeled boots. Damn, she was a hell of a woman to look at! Standing there, she looked at me, well, not really showing any interest at all. And she looked so hot, I could hardly wrench my gaze away from her. Her strawberry blond hair was wild and curly at chin length, and her eyes were green. She had pretty hands, with long, satin white colored fingernails."  
  
"You've really gone into detail while staring at her..." Archer wondered.  
  
"You bet, I just couldn't stop!" Trip took a long sip and grabbed for the bottle.  
  
"You've never told me. Didn't she show any sign of apprehension with you ogling at her all the time?"   
  
"I dunno, I was so busy trying to find a pink-up-line to talk to her that I forgot everything else. Remember, I almost forgot you with your hang-over." Trip smiled lopsided and lost himself in memories. 


End file.
